Whether directly analyzed or unconsciously pondered, many of us have likely found ourselves confronted with a simple question: “What do I deserve?” We spend our lives just trying to “figure it all out” in our own, sometimes destructive, ways. Maybe we dedicate ourselves to some kind of goal or simply focus on our own happiness throughout this earthly journey and try to be the best we can. Throughout the situations we encounter, we develop our own view and understanding of the world, using the resources we’ve each been handed.
Just an average boy, raised in a simple home, it wasn’t long before the focal point of life shifted to an “everyday” mindset. The everyday being filled with distractions. But, distractions became obsolete and were then upgraded with newer distractions. The new distractions then became commonplace and were substituted for endeavors. Endeavors became short-lived and were supplemented with additional spontaneous, fizzling ventures. These were subsequently replaced with a string of antics, interspersed with self-destructive flings. In the end, all of these things only temporarily filled the void.
My point for this vague rambling is to take the spotlight away from the specific details of my own circumstances in order to, hopefully, bring the attention to our common struggle. A struggle of which we all share; regardless of financial status, location, beliefs, peers, or any of the individual circumstances that we battle through in our lives. The context of our lives has helped to shape us into who we are today; it’s what each of us have had to pass through to get to this very moment. But, we must not become our own context and sink in to the everyday. What’s important is the outcome.
Though my internal version of this question may have not been phrased word-for-word, I often wondered, “What do I deserve?”. Is there a simple answer to the question? Does the answer depend on the person? Should each person decide on what the right answer is for themselves? Without attempting to manufacture a broad response that aims to appease, I’ll simply tell you what I know I deserve.
I deserve death. More accurately, I deserve far worse. Everyone has a different timeframe for this demanding realization. Most will never accept it. My timeframe was just over 26 years. I spent 26 years in this life, in what sometimes felt like a prison, before I finally accepted that relying solely on myself was not only inconsistent but unfulfilling and, ultimately, debilitating.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding…Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.” -Proverbs 3:5,7
In that moment was an indescribable feeling, both daunting and freeing; when the truth of the world was revealed, when I understood the weight of my actions, and opened my ears to hear the good news from the One who gave it all to give me a chance. “…He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed.” -Luke 4:18
“For what the Law could not do…God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin…” -Romans 8:3
“All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.” -Isaiah 53:6
There are no words in existence that can begin to express the true love of my Savior – Jesus Christ. I realized how much of a sinner I was and begged forgiveness to Him, the One my sin put on the cross. For the first time in my life, if only in a miniscule amount, I felt the pain that my sin caused the Lord. The pain He continues to endure for us and the love that He has offered to all is a testimony to why He is worthy to serve – at all costs. Specific personal details are irrelevant in this matter, for “There is none who does good, there is not even one.” (Romans 3:12).
We should follow Christ because He is worthy. This must be the only reason we require. We shouldn’t follow Him so we can be saved from hell, because we don’t deserve to be saved. Following Christ is not a simple solution. There is no magically uttered phrase or a secret formula to salvational success. Christ is not a means to end; He is the end! Following Christ is an ongoing decision that must be made every single day.
“And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.’” -Luke 9:23-24
We cannot repent from our sin only to continue practicing it! The Lord is good to forgive us and, as a Christian, it is our duty to follow through – no matter what. For Jesus said, “the one who endures to the end, he will be saved.” (Matthew 24:13). The times we live in are evident and the world grows darker with each passing day. There is still time, but it is fleeting. For this reason, we must not entangle ourselves with the ‘everyday’. We know God is real and so is the devil. He aims only to turn us away from the Lord and lead us down the broad road of destruction.
But those who offer humble repentance to the Lord, and lay their lives down wholly, need not to fear the devil for they possess a healthy fear of the Lord. As the Scripture says, “If God is for us, who is against us?” (Romans 8:31). Though, we must be wary of our own walk as we follow because if we are living outside of Christ, then there is no hope in resisting the devil.
Ask the Lord for mercy, seek Him, and serve Him. Blessed are the ones who receive a love for the truth.
“But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” -John 4:23-24